Catherine Kerby Wilkins Petty

A Christian story book

Catherine Kerby was born on October 1, 1924, in Memphis, Tennessee. The daughter of Percy Ellis and Catherine Fleming Kerby, she was the sister of one brother, James Kenneth Kerby, who was born a year before. She spent her entire growing-up years in Memphis and enjoyed the company of extended family of her parents as well as the church family of Bellevue Baptist Church.

Catherine had a safe and loving childhood and lived in middle-class prosperity in her later youth, participating in Girl Scouts and activities at church. She said:

“My childhood and youth was like a Christian story book. My father exemplified a Christian gentleman in every way. After being admitted to the Bar of Tennessee, he set aside his profession to assist his father in business. My father's goal was to love and provide for his family, friends, and others who had needs. He was truly a Good Samaritan. Full of charisma, he always lit up the room when he entered. We were very close. He told me many times that ‘People are more important than things.’

“My mother was talented and attractive. Her goal, expressed many, many times, was to be a good wife to a good man. That was also her goal for me. She and my father were always in tune and she was supportive of his Good Samaritan endeavors and had many of her own.”

Catherine's younger childhood was colored and clearly affected by the Great Depression. At one point, her family of four found it necessary to move into the home of her father's parents, James C. and Katy Ellis Kerby. Catherine recalls this as a time of inconvenience centered around the matriarch, Mama Kerby, but not one of poverty or physical deprivation. She fondly recalled the carefree days of walking barefoot down Normal Avenue and popping tar bubbles with her feet. It was a good time of growth and affirmation. She had faith in God, her country, and her family. She often said that her heroes were Dr. Robert G. Lee, her pastor, Franklin Roosevelt, the president, and her father, whom she adored.

This was also a time of setting spiritual direction for Catherine. She noted:

“I was baptized when I was seven. A stool was put in the water to keep me from drowning. Very soon after, I knew that I wanted to give my life to full time Christian service. My mother and grandmother took me to the Women's Missionary meetings as a baby and often brought me in costumes of the foreign country featured on the missionary program.

“After years of studying about missions intensively in our children's and youth organizations, I sincerely dedicated my life for missionary work.

“I wanted to be a foreign missionary as I thought everyone in the United States already loved each other. My dedication was at age 18 at the Baptist Assembly in Ridgecrest, North Carolina.”

Catherine's relationship with her brother was close but not without tension. They were close in age and both very much loved by their parents. However, Catherine often felt dominated or picked at by her older brother. She often told the story from her teenage years when she was talking to a boy on the telephone. Her very technically talented brother, Kenny, connected the telephone to a radio speaker and broadcast the private conversation to an entertained neighborhood. Catherine was apparently not amused.

Catherine and Kenny both attended Messick High School in Memphis. Catherine involved herself in extracurricular activities, worked some her senior year at the Western Union office, and had many friends. Some of these friends stayed close throughout her adult life.

Adult Life — The Facts as She Recalled Them

Catherine summarized her adult life through numerous reflective notes as well as a brief autobiographical outline written in 1989. Her story is told here from known facts, but mostly from her own words.

In 1941, Catherine graduated from high school and pictured herself as most inclined toward the liberal arts but weak in mathematics. After graduation, she attended Mississippi State College for Women in Columbus, Mississippi. It was here that she met her future husband, David W. Wilkins. World War II made the future unsure for everyone, including David, who was soon off to fight the Germans in France. After transferring to the University of Mississippi, Catherine became very active in the Baptist Student Union. In 1944, she attended a conference at Ridgecrest Baptist Assembly in North Carolina. Catherine wanted to become a missionary but was told by a missionary there that her background had been too easy to serve overseas.

She noted the loneliness of the Christmas of 1945 along with the sadness that year of the passing of her first guardian hero, President Franklin D. Roosevelt. Fortunately, “peace at last” came the same year.

Catherine graduated from Ole Miss in the spring of 1946, married Captain Wilkins three weeks later, and settled back in Memphis. It was soon apparent to her that she was physically unable to fill the job description of wife of someone she characterized as a modern-day Pharisee with added rules.

Nonetheless, Christmas of the following year Catherine found herself as the mother of a five-month-old baby girl, Cacky. She noted that she was late for Christmas dinner that year at her mother's house. This was because she was required to clean out all of her husband's clothing drawers and rotate his socks before they could attend.

Two years later, in 1949, son David was born. This was a stressful time of multiple moves, a fire in the house built for her by her father, as well as her husband and brother both working for her father. In 1951, after her father had rebuilt the fire-damaged home, they had to sell it. Her father's failing health had forced the sale of the home along with other family real estate in order to save his business.

The following year, her beloved father, Percy Ellis Kerby, died of a cerebral hemorrhage. Her mother was left almost penniless. Meanwhile, Catherine's brother Kenny held the title to the only real estate that the family had left, a residence and acreage on the outskirts of East Memphis. Catherine felt that her brother was observing the letter of the law but not the spirit. She noted that her mother went berserk and never recovered.

In 1953, Catherine felt that God had smiled on her. Her husband, David, took a job that required much travel. Catherine “snuck out” to Memphis State College and acquired a teacher's license. She began teaching at Colonial Elementary School that year and found a second home. The faculty there, especially her bridge group, “The Pink Owls,” became her home away from home.

God smiled on Catherine again in 1959. She joined the faculty of the newly formed Watkins Overton High School in Memphis and became the lead guidance counselor there. She had been feeling the stress of her widowed mother, who she felt was not inclined to support herself financially. Her mother, also named Catherine but affectionately known by the family as Mama Percy, was now remarried. Although the new marriage ultimately ended in divorce, Mama Percy moved to a country home outside of Water Valley, Mississippi, and gave Catherine “a breather.” Nonetheless, there were daily horror stories received by mail along with extended visits.

Catherine felt that her husband and mother never did get along during this period and were not speaking to each other except through her. Mama Percy moved in with her daughter and family in 1961 and would not leave. David had rules but Mama Percy would not comply. The stress of all of this mounted and, in 1962, Catherine consulted a divorce lawyer for her own marriage. She compromised with a break by attending a professional development Guidance Institute for nine weeks at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville. Mama Percy spent this time at Catherine's brother Kenny's home but returned to Catherine's house the day she returned from Knoxville.

By 1964, Catherine had developed high blood pressure and was fearful of having a stroke. She began taking prescription drugs to control the high blood pressure and Mama Percy returned to her husband in Mississippi. The next year, however, Catherine fell on an icy parking lot and broke her wrist. This proved to be a difficult challenge physically as well as spiritually. It was one factor in Catherine's leaving her Baptist church as she felt neglected in a time of crisis. Also impacting the emotions of this period was the departure of her firstborn to attend college at Union University.

Two years later, her second-born left for college and Mama Percy moved back in for good. In order to hold her own marriage together, Catherine insisted on buying a larger house with a guest house for Mama Percy. She was successful in doing just that but felt that the new house locked her into her marriage. She could not maintain the upkeep of the new residence on her own income alone.

The next impactful event in Catherine's life came in 1968 with the murder of Dr. Martin Luther King in Memphis. The whole school system was in an uproar. Private schools developed on every corner. White children left like flies. Teachers were surplussed to undesirable inner-city schools and school principals were controlling by intimidation. Her own principal retired in 1971, and new people wanted her job as Guidance Coordinator. Catherine kept her job title but was being forced to compromise her deep beliefs in the implementation of the guidance program.

Her new principal brought new pressure. Catherine could not think. She lost creativity. She became a zombie. She felt that her husband was delighted. By 1975, she experienced more pressure at work. By November, she was hospitalized for drug detoxification and taken off seventeen different overused and conflicting prescription drugs … “cold turkey.”

Catherine stayed at home the following year with the hopes of a transfer to a new job. She felt that her husband David did not understand. She felt uncertainties with the careers of her children and at the same time moved her mother out to a high-rise senior living residence. To cope, she changed her church denomination, her hair color, and her job.

A business teacher at an inner-city school for pregnant girls was the role in which Catherine found herself in 1977. While this was an unusual but rewarding next step for Catherine, the school was, unfortunately, dissolved. So the following year she found herself teaching bookkeeping at Ridgeway High School. She described herself as certified but not qualified and asking “Where was God?” While she was admittedly rebelling, she got transferred to the new Craigmont High School where her dear friend was principal and facilitator of the move. She had different assignments each year but felt some stability. She was still feeling stress at home, especially with some unexpected changes in her projected Social Security income.

By the end of 1979, Catherine had decided to take action. On the day after Christmas, Catherine began moving out of the house to see if she could make it on her own. The same day, David was at work and had a major stroke. Catherine cared for David who recovered, but still was not happy. In 1980, Catherine's brother's wife left him and Catherine sued for divorce from David. The following year, the divorce was finalized, her home was burglarized, she was almost asphyxiated, she had an automobile accident, she retired, sold her house, and moved to Nashville to be near her son.

Catherine's move to Nashville brought a new job at Branell College, a for-profit adult education center. Shortly afterwards she took a more comfortable job at Oasis House, a halfway house for teens. In just a few years, she moved three times, dated two men, dealt with her mother's stroke, broke her hip, got serious with an old boyfriend from high school who then died, and spent many hours growing close to and writing children's books for her grandson. In 1990, her mother passed away and a dispute with her brother over jewelry resulted in a lawsuit which was eventually settled out of court. She kept up with her ex-husband and even saw him at family gatherings and expressed love for him. She was content with her new situation in life and did not intend to go back. David passed away after an extended illness on the day after Christmas in 1993.

In 1995, Catherine's son, David, moved with his family to the Middle East, while on assignment with the International Mission Board. Though left alone in Nashville, Catherine was most supportive because of her frustrated desires to be a missionary herself. Fortunately, she had met Ray Petty, a retired mining engineer, who was doing handyman work for seniors. He was a gentle and caring man who stepped in to care for her and eventually they were married.

Ray saw Catherine through many health issues including major back surgery and a stroke in the late nineteen nineties. After moving to Dickson, TN, they settled into a comfortable suburban lifestyle and friendly community at the local Methodist Church. After Ray's death in 2003, Catherine lived simply in Nashville retirement communities before moving to Boone, NC in 2007, once again to be near her son. The last five years of her life were spent in assisted living and nursing home facilities. After suffering from Alzheimer's-type dementia for most of that time, she passed away peacefully August 28, 2013.

Who Was She?

Catherine's autobiographical reflections are dominated by conflicts and things that happened to her. However, those that know her best would want others to know of what she believed, thought, felt, and did. Her professed Christianity was evident privately in her care for her family, neighbors, friends, co-workers, and students. Her scores on the Haugk Spiritual Gifts Inventory suggest that she was strong in mercy, faith, and nurturing leadership. Her Myers-Briggs personality type was a free-spirited ENFP. She excelled academically with a master's degree in Personnel and Guidance and professionally as recognized by her service on the College Entrance Examination Board and membership in the Delta Kappa Gamma Society. She was also a finalist in the Memphis city-wide Favorite Teacher contest. The flood of affection and accolades when she left Memphis testifies to her being admired and missed. Likewise, her collection of many notes from appreciative students testifies to her effectiveness and care for her students. She nurtured and spent quality time with her children and grandchildren in guiding, affirming, and encouraging them in their academics, personal interests, and spiritual development. Both of her husbands, though often challenged and confused, loved her until their dying breaths.

Catherine was creative as a teacher and mother as seen in her bulletin boards, scrapbooks, letters, short stories, children's books, speeches, pottery, painted doodads, audio recordings, videotapes, newsletters, and holiday decorations. Always finding ways to move forward and survive, she bragged that she was the first in her neighborhood to serve frozen pizzas and store-bought cakes. She was clearly torn between the demands of being a wife and mother and those of being a professional, especially in an era of aggressive women's liberation.

Catherine always felt handicapped to some degree. In a letter to a friend she wrote in 1999:

“My greatest handicap in life was my frailty and lack of physical strength. My dreams were greater than my strength to complete. Everything finished on a wing and a prayer or at the neglect of something else.”

She said that she was handicapped mechanically and domestically because her mother made her use her right hand but she was naturally left-handed. She felt that she did not have as much energy as others because of a lifelong thyroid condition. Her medical history provided to new doctors literally was a multi-page litany of most everything a doctor would have studied in medical school.

While of a naturally sweet and caring spirit, Catherine often felt harassed and threatened and could be quick to fight for survival. She felt that her brother picked on her as a child and that her mother pushed her into marriage and was demanding later in life. The school system, the changing society, the apartment manager, her doctors, her husband, her boyfriend, all left her anxious and exhausted. She often found herself in the extremes of fight or flight.

Catherine reflected on her life as a financially struggling twenty-five-year-old mother with a burned house and two kids in diapers:

“I talked to God. I searched the scriptures; I had no biblical base for a divorce, but I would die without any freedom for my spirit, reinforcement, and no successes in the light of my husband's eyes … I made up my mind that whatever the consequences, I was going back to my parents when the children reached the ages of two and four.”

Her sense of high calling yet being overwhelmed was also evident in her reflection on the period of time after her father died. She said:

“My mother's needs for me were great and our financial crisis so acute that I never had time to grieve for my father. I didn't know if I had the right to say ‘Have Thine Own Way Lord’ or not. It seemed I couldn't be molded or moved because of the situation I was in.

“So the song in my heart which I sang every time there was solitude for me was now ‘Take My Hand Precious Lord, Lead Me on, Help me Stand.’”

When forced into teaching bookkeeping at Ridgeway High School for reasons beyond her control, Catherine later reflected:

“My old feelings of anxiety began to rush in… all my efforts for recovery, independence, and personal survival were going down the drain. GOD WHERE ARE YOU? — HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN? I couldn't believe that I was having it ‘done unto me’ again.”

After Catherine retired, she began but was never able to finish a book for the teenagers whom she had spent so much of her life helping. The introduction to the book gives some insights into who Catherine was and wanted to be. She said:

“It is for those who want to get along with others but not be walked on.

“It is for those who are encountering their own special brand of anxieties.

“It is for those who want to trade in their negatives for some positives.”

She also reflected in later years about lessons learned from those departed who were close to her and with whom she had struggled:

“I miss my mother, brother, and David. God let me live and struck me down long enough to understand the reasons for all of it and to be more fully aware of their gifts to me.”

Finally, of special note is the impact of her beloved father. Especially as Catherine approached the age of her father's death, her father's life is one that might give insight into who Catherine was and who she became. Even though her father's generosity had extended to so many, Catherine wrote him shortly before he died, to apologize for any stress that she had caused. His business was over-extended and his health was in ruin.

Her darling Daddy died in poor health and financially broken seven months later. “Spiritually together,” hell and high water came for Catherine, too. Did the lessons she learned and the guidance that she gave at age twenty-six to her father both haunt and guide her for the rest of her life? Perhaps so.

Her Impact

Catherine dedicated her life to teaching and guiding others to a better life. Countless students, friends, co-workers, and loved ones would testify that she did just that. She struggled with herself and with others and ultimately survived. Her wish would be that her struggle would somehow help all whom she touched, or will touch, to a better life.

Perhaps Catherine's own words also give a fitting benediction as she faced the latter days of her earthly journey.